Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
