I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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