I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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