My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
OPIZZABONMYDICK
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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