I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
