but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
