he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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