even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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