It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
