Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
