bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
