I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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