so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
