I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
