I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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