Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
