o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Randomize
