when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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