In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize