If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
