Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
