it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
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