Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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