She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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