Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
