Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The power of my boobs compel you
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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