Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
only you would photoshop your dick
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
