her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's blow job season.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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