had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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