Where did you get a picture of my penis
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize