It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
