Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
