Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
