you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
