help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
