2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
