this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
