Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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