I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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