I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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