You're completely useless in the revolution.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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