a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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