Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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