I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
