I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
