before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
