Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
