I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't deserve a penis
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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