I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
