her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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