Are we in a gay sports bar?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
