i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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