you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
