Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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