So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You are the jesus of drinking
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
