PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
