Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
bring money and cleavage
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
