i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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