Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
