I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
