that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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