Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
