I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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