I CAN MOONWALK!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
