Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
