i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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