I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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