There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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