I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
