escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
