is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
