she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
