So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
