In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
