This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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